Tuesday, May 26, 2015

Forever A Dreamer

When I was a child I told tall tales. Things that made me feel better about my life, my existence. I lost my father at an early age, my mother was single and did the best she could. My imagination stepped in to make up for the things I felt were lacking in my life. I wanted better things, experiences and because of that I lived a large part of my life in a fantasy land.

As I got older I stopped telling those tales. I kept them to myself and held them internally. They became the bed times stories I told myself on nights when I found it hard to fall asleep. They were also translated to paper, notebook after notebook filled with the fantasies of a little girl who just wanted to feel connected to something more. A girl who wanted to be able to say that there was something more to life than the loss she had experienced.

Now as an adult I still tell myself those tales, I still dream big and want for so much more magical. Now those dreams and tales are translated to stories that I can share with the world. In some way I feel fulfilled because of this. I used to be ashamed of my imagination, that my brain would have me experiencing things and places I could never truly fathom going to. Now, I realize just how wonderful that is. I hurt no one with those tales, (perhaps I hurt myself because some people just never knew the real me) and I would never tell a story that would intentionally hurt another person. At the end of the day I lived my life morally and I am proud of that.

A recent experience has taught me that not all of myself, my secrets, my dreams can be shared with everyone, even those who I may have felt were so close to my heart. It also taught me something more about myself. I will forever be a dreamer, forever a person who looks for something more mystical from life. If  that will be held against me, so be it. I will not allow anyone, no matter how close they may have been to me in the past, to step on that part of me or ever have me second guess that. I am who I am. My past, that girl who fantasize about living a life beyond what she had, is a big part of why I am an author and why I strive to put my work in the hands of accepting readers.

I will forever be a dreamer.