The nerve of them!
Here I am sitting at my desk, trying to be productive and they...have abandoned me.
This isn't the first time, no. I know that it will not be the last. They do this often. They’re skittish, and in a very unsettling way, uncaring about my process. What do I have to do? I'm trying to tell their story. I am but a recorder of the insanity of their world. Yes, I admit I'm fascinated by them. I want to know more, I want to feel more, and I want to tell everyone! Perhaps they are simply annoyed by my divulging their deepest, darkest, secrets. I get it, but, hell, we have an agreement!
They agreed long ago to let me share with the world their stories which reside in my head. This was a pact put in place to preserve my sanity. There is only so much time a person can walk around with untold stories in their head before they snap and retreat into themselves. I must get it out, lest I be walking down the street, mumbling insanity to myself.
They had no problem in the beginning. Hell, they even thrived after the first few publications and the interest that was obtained. They loved the limelight, the reviews, the messages written about how much they were enjoyed. Now, they are acting like little divas. “Let them wait, they love us, they will wait!” No, no they won’t. No I won’t! I want to get the stories out into the world, out of my head so that I have but a moment of peace before more occurs. Every time I think that these characters will start to cooperate with me once more, they fool me. They give me just a little, barely a page full and then shut me out again!
People often wonder what it is, we writers complain about. How we joke about talking to ourselves and attempting to keep a sane face when in the public eye. It is no joke! Trust me, I have to stop myself quite often from having complete conversations with myself while sitting at my desk at work. (Of course, NOW you want to get all chatty up there when I’m not able to do anything about it!) All I need is for my co-workers to think that I’m losing my mind. Wouldn’t that be a fun meeting with HR! “Jessica, we think it would be best if you spent some time with the staff therapist. Maybe there are some things you need to get off your chest.” No therapist will understand that there are voices in my head that belong to characters I write about. Nope, they will be scribbling on their notepad and calling up the nearest wagon to take me to the looney bin!
All I ask is that they cooperate. Agree to the designated writing time, show up, and give me the words. That is all that I ask! That is not too much. I no longer take the train to work, so they are upset. They liked the train rides, that 45 minutes inspired so much chatter. Chatter that would spew over into my time at home and words would just be written. ALL THE WORDS! Now, I drive to work, and they are SILENT! They hate the radio, I turn it off, then they get quite, I turn it on. They don’t like that I have to focus on operating a vehicle. Darn me for not wanting to drive blindly and risk running into a pole!
I’ve tried to placate them with wine, food, books, movies, anything to get them stirring again. Anything to inspire movement! Nothing. Nope. They are gone! Of course, now as I write about their abandoning me, they are screaming at me. “How dare you tell them! This is between us, they should never know about how skittish we are. They need to love us, and think that we are angels!” Well, I’m tired of taking the heat for their foolishness. Fielding the questions of when I will produce more. What’s coming next? When is the next release? Well, talk to them! I mean, I know you can’t really, but still. It's not my fault! I try! They deny me. Until they straighten up and act right, well, there will be nothing. No words, no new stories, nothing more to share.
I know, you’re judging me. Thinking to yourself, “Oh, she is so dramatic!” Well, duh! Of course I am dramatic. I’m a freaking fantasy and paranormal author. You think I accomplish that without drama?! I’m the reason they are so finicky, I know it, I know that if I was more mellow, they would be as well. But, then would you really want to read my books? What would my book babies be without the twists and turns, and the “OMG no she didn’t!” moments?
This is clearly a cry for help. A way to stir up the characters and get my creative juice flowing.
Damn it if it didn’t work!
Well, I’m off to write more. I’m thinking wolves, or demons, or wait… perhaps a coven of witches! So many stories to tell, and so very little time!